This post was originally published as part of Healthy Narcissism Month.
The Secret to Becoming Unbearably Attractive
People obsess way too much about the physical changes needed to become more attractive to others.
I’m not saying that eating right and exercising aren’t important. It’s just that there are other minor changes that can be made to drastically increase your desirability.
If you want to attract someone who is only going to focus on your looks as the primary reason for being with you, then ignore my advice.
But if you’re seeking someone who has his or her head on straight and values what really matters in life over time (essentially qualities of the ultimate life partner), then let this be your guide. In fact, for people who naturally follow the formula below, there’s nothing secret about it. They instantly will instantly recognize your attractive qualities.
An Organic Formula for Attractiveness
Here’s a HIP Formula for Amplifying Attractiveness, which will skyrocket how desirable you’ll appear to others:
Humility (maintaining a nonjudgmental attitude) + Integrity (being your word) + Passion (sharing your commitment to doing what you love) = a magnetic force that pulls people toward you.
1) H is for Humility.
The positive correlation between humility and physical attraction has been grossly underemphasized. There’s nothing more impressive, enthralling and comforting than someone who makes you feel valued and accepted. Be that person who seems to understand what really matters in life. Make people feel heard and listened to with such fine attention that they don’t know what to do with themselves. Show how powerful you are by disarming people when you emphasize how important it is not to judge others. Let them here you say, “Who am I to judge?”
The most nonjudgmental people are also the most desirable if you can see beyond superficial appearances.
Avoid boasting about your accomplishments, the celebrities you’ve met or the great job perks you have (unless you’re sharing your passion for your job). One great way to show humility is to allow the focus of the conversation to remain on the other person even when there are perfect opportunities to brag, but don’t seem like you’re dodging questions about yourself. Let a potential partner slowly discover your greatness.
2) I is for Integrity.
Integrity is something that tends to draw immense admiration from others. It makes you memorable and reliable in an attractive way. Integrity will make you stand out as a star among untrustworthy people, especially in a digital age of ghosting and flakiness as the norm. Be your word to people and they will respect you and want more of you. When you make a commitment to getting together, don’t cancel your plans. If you point out a value, moral, or personality characteristic that you believe in, then be a living example of someone who strives to be what you say matters most to you.
3) P is for Passion.
Most importantly, in the spirit of making yourself wildly sexy to others, exude passion for what you enjoy doing. Passion makes you seem powerful, ambitious and exciting to be around. When people get a sense of how pumped you are about the things you love to do, it pulls them toward you. If you’re not passionate about work, then share your passion for your hobbies and interests. If you don’t have hobbies and interests that get you excited about, then commit to searching for your passions through trial and error and don’t be afraid to talk about the hunt.
People who undervalue these three character traits as a way to increase their desirability are likely to overvalue physical attractiveness and money.
Why This Method Is So Desirable
What if you’re reading this and thinking to yourself that these qualities don’t turn you on so much?
That’s totally fine, but know that you probably don’t realize the behind-the-scenes impact that the expression of these traits has on your desirability.
I’ll also add that people who consciously value these traits in a romantic partner are most likely happier people than those who haven’t really thought about H or I or P.
Essentially, the HIP Formula is a tasty recipe for raising your baseline level of happiness.
In truth, this formula is much more effective for attracting a long-term partner as opposed to someone to date casually.
By the way, I’m a strong believer in the fake-it-till-you-make-it approach as long as you understand going into it that your commitment to displaying these qualities doesn’t end when you’ve achieved the desired results. It’s life-long.
Take pride in this commitment. It feels so fulfilling to experience yourself as successfully avoiding judgment, keeping your word or exuding passion
Mark my words…over time you’ll reap the mental health benefits of using them as guiding philosophy, and, in the process, you’ll seem super attractive to people even when you yourself don’t feel like a model of sexiness, which is probably quite often for most of us.
Good luck and please do share your thoughts and experiences.
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