This relationship advice is full of helpful spoilers. Let’s look and see where your relationship is headed.
I’m not trying to spoil the good times ahead. My goal is to help you keep the inevitable bumps in your relationship easy to manage.
A little foresight and planning can go a long, long way toward buffering your relationship from potential harm.
Technically, I shouldn’t be spoiling anything for you. Everyone knows it takes work to maintain a healthy relationship or marriage.
I love the people who argue that marriage DOESN’T require work. I’d really love to meet one of these people. They’re probably full of it and trying to brag.
Or, they’re from another planet where love means something different, in which case we should study them for the benefit of science.
No matter how in love you are and how amazing the bond feels now, you need to keep the future of your bond in mind.
Play in Your Relationship But Do Your Homework
Do the work. Invest in keeping the bond strong. Play all you want around this investment.
I’m only calling for small and steady efforts to prevent relationship problems.
You will feel the difference once you see yourself committed to these preventative efforts.
Maybe you’re already doing the work. If so, good for you. You’re on the right track together.
Just know that if you delay investing extra time and energy in strengthening the connection, you risk being stuck in an unhappy marriage.
There is a point of no return past which no amount of marital therapy can resuscitate the original love.
Truthfully, you’re already at a major advantage if you’re willing to embrace the idea that a commitment to making the relationship awesome in the future is necessary.
4 Relationship Spoilers You Need to Know About Ahead of Time
Here are five situations you will have to face as a couple at some time in the future, and how you can prevent them from becoming cancerous to the relationship.
Potential Relationship Problem #1: No matter how extraordinary the intimacy now feels, there will be times when you feel sexually and emotionally disconnected from your partner.
Solution: The only thing that can save you during these critical periods of sexual disconnection is to invest in creating a safe forum for sharing your deepest concerns with your partner. Work on making it totally safe for your partner to share ANYTHING. That way, courage is not necessary in the future when one of you is feeling disconnected, and you can troubleshoot together to get the intimacy back on track for both of you.
Potential Relationship Problem #2: You will start keeping score of your partner’s screw-ups relative to your own.
Keeping score in the relationship leads to resentment, a lack of curiosity, relationship sabotage and possibly divorce. My best advice here is to make it your primary purpose to invest in the happiness of your partner. This commitment, of course, requires a mutual agreement. Life works in funny ways though. Sometimes it will feel like your honey isn’t putting your needs first the same way you are for him or her. Don’t late this commitment to your partner’s happiness waver. Just communicate how there’s an imbalance once your anger toward your partner is no longer at its peak.
Potential Relationship Problem #3: You will be faced with the dilemma of either agreeing with your parent’s (or another family member’s) harsh opinion of something your partner did, or choosing to defend your partner at the expense of upsetting your family member.
The pressure to agree with something your parent says about your partner, especially when you agree with your parent, can be HUGE. I recommend being VERY careful with how you allow your family member to talk about your partner in front of you. If you authorize your parent to have a full license to badmouth your partner, then you are betraying your partner, and the relationship will suffer immensely. Learn to put your partner first. Show a united front. Your partner’s respect for you will skyrocket, and you will solidify the bond between you. Your parents will eventually respect you as well for this, and if they don’t, that’s there problem.
Potential Relationship Problem #4: You will feel the need to share the ups and downs of your relationship with another family member (e.g., parent or sibling.)
This habit of venting to your family member will come back to bite you. Work on asserting the boundary between your relationship and the outside world. This is an extension of Problem #3. Most of the negative events that go on between you and your partner are private. If you have to gossip about your relationship, choose wisely with whom you share. A heavy investment in sharing with friends, coworkers or family your complaints about your partner is almost always a symptom of poor communication in the relationship. Just know that relationship gossip of this variety limits your willingness to make your partner feel safe in the relationship and to wholeheartedly work on problems that need fixing.
Stay tuned for more relationship spoilers and their solutions coming soon.
Please share your thoughts about this post. Thank you!!!!!