Ahhh lurking — the wildly addictive habit that inevitably leads to both partners feelings getting stepped on.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, lurking, as so beautifully defined by Urban Dictionary, is the act of spying on people online, while you remain invisible.
We’ve all been there at one point or another, wondering what our boyfriends/girlfriends are looking at, or “liking,” or what their their attention is diverted toward to when it’s not on you.
It starts off innocent curiosity really.
But keep in mind: Curiosity killed the cat.
Basically, lurking is the online equivalent of going through your significant other’s phone while they are sleeping… a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE idea.
Why? You might ask.
Well, there are an extensive number of reasons why it’s a completely awful idea to play FBI on social media, but for the sake of time and practicality, I’ve narrowed it down to the three most common, obvious and relatable explanations.
3 Reasons Why You Should NOT Lurk
1) Nothing good will come out of it.
There is virtually nothing good that will ever come out of looking for trouble. Let’s call a spade a spade here; you’re obviously not furiously searching through weeks of pictures to learn more about your significant others hobbies/interests. You’re looking to see if they’re spending their time trying to connect with other people — people who evidently are not you.
So you’re looking and looking and BAM! There it is! They liked someone else’s selfie 7 weeks ago…and the person is good looking…damn. Now your feelings are hurt over something so irrelevant at this point that you can’t even bring up without sounding like a total lurker.
All of that just to get your feelings hurt…again, NOTHING good will come out of it…only possibly the beginning of the end of your relationship if it’s not designed to sustain jealousy and accusations.
2) It damages trust in a relationship.
I’m no expert, but I assume that if you’re taking time out of your life to look for shady online activity, there are probably some underlying trust issues. Naturally everyone’s situation is different, and trust issues in many cases are warranted. However, lurking on your significant other’s social media may very well be the cause of newfound trust issues.
Take for example the scenario above where you’ve discovered your significant other liked another person’s selfie and it really bothered you. This action that took your partner less than a second has become an excuse for your trust in them to waver. It’s not a coincidence that relationships are more difficult to maintain these days.
On the other hand, let’s say that you do eventually decide to bring it up. You tell them you saw the picture they liked and wait for their response, to which they reply, “That was a few weeks ago. What were you looking for?” Your accusation has now become the reason your significant other will question your trust in them.
Again– nothing good is coming out of this…only a crack in your relationship.
3) Ignorance is bliss.
In an age where the world is shrinking as a result of technology pushing us all closer together, we are more inclined to know more about what goes on in other people’s lives. Everything is sort of out there in the open. News flash: we don’t need to know everything about everyone. There are some things that are definitely beneficial not to know…like the online business of your partner.
Not only will you survive not knowing which pictures they like (crazy I know), but it will give you one less thing to worry about, and probably save you a lot of time. If you don’t believe, me there have been studies done on the impact of social media on relationships.
So there you have it!
Lurking will lead you to false assumptions, accusations and avoidable stress having a very negative impact on your life.
If the trust just isn’t there and you absolutely feel like you have to do something about it, then discuss it together with your partner so it’s a joint effort.