So you want to know how to win an argument with your partner? I’ll tell you how.
But first let me tell you what won’t work.
1. Getting in the last word.
2. Keeping score and blaming.
3. Being self-referential when you partner is expressing his or her needs (i.e., “What about me?).
4. Starting sentences with “You always…” or “You never…”
5. Putting up a wall and showing no emotion during important conversations.
6. Withholding your love as punishment.
I can list more, but I’ll stop there.
Winning the Argument
You win the argument when you acknowledge that you don’t want your partner to suffer. You win the argument when you show a commitment to your partner’s happiness. You win when your partner experiences you as listening for the gold in him or her.
You win when your partner’s needs are met. That gives you a stronger platform for asking for what you need to be happy in the relationship. If your partner is unwilling to value your needs, it could be because he or she is furious at you, chronically neglected or checked out for now.
If your needs aren’t getting met, start with giving. If your needs are rarely being met, work on your communication. If you determine that you’re partnered up with a raging narcissist, then you may need outside intervention to help you shift the balance of power in your relationship and better understand the dynamics at play.
