If your kids aren’t already driving you absolutely crazy during this quarantine, congratulations! Your’e in a league of your own. The only way to maintain your sanity during this wildly challenging time is to be strategic. A little planning and foresight will go a long, long way in your family’s temporary, new reality.
We have small children and, of course, we’re learning as we go, but we’re also following certain rituals and guidelines that are already making a huge difference for all of us. Some of these strategies we enact are a natural extension of our parenting approach B.C. (Before Corona), and some of them have been modified based on our adjustment to life during the Covid-19 pandemic. (For more on your adjustment to a new reality, here’s our post on mental health strategies for managing the quarantine.)
We just gave our kids an extra large snack so we would have the opportunity to get these ideas onto a post on Techealthiest. And we definitely won’t complete it until after they go to bed. Yes, we’re all in this together.
The good (and slightly bad) news about having small children (meaning under about seven years old) is that they are just happy to be with you. Also, they don’t fully comprehend what’s going on outside unless you have poor boundaries around sharing adult information, but that’s a topic for another day. The bottom line is that everyone wins when you find your sanity. Even Andrew Cuomo, the Governor of New York, agrees.
Unfortunately, your tolerance for managing your kids under a strict quarantine is likely to reduce over time. This is why guidelines are necessary. You design a plan and then adjust as you test the reality of family life. This approach is likely to deliver clearer expectations and predictability to your children, which will make life under quarantine so much more tolerable for everyone.
9 Ways to Make Life Easier with Small Children During the Quarantine
Here are a group of suggestions that you may find helpful. Modify them to fit your family’s specific needs and circumstances.
1. Be a team with your partner in front of your kids.
Now more than ever it’s essential that you show stability and predictability in front of your kids. Being on the same page with your significant other allows for parental messages to be delivered more clearly and understood more quickly.
If you and your partner disagree, make an agreement to discuss the issue when and where your kids cannot hear you. Avoid making secret agreements with your kids that your partner is left out of. Remember, you set the tone in the household!
2. Create a world full of sanity-saving activities that worked in the past.
Apply anchors from normal life to your quarantined life. If it worked for you before and you can do it at home, recreate it now. For example:
- Stick with your exercise routines via Zoom/Facebook & Instagram Live, or in any other way that will allow for connection with the outside world, whether through live streaming from your studio/gym or even Zooming with friends. It’s best to choose live over pre-recorded videos.
- Set virtual social time with friends and family: Happy hours, double date nights, girls’ nights, guys’ nights, parties, celebrations, game nights, play dates and literally any social activities you can replicate at home. Create a sense of a rich social life. It may feel contrived at first but don’t give up. It may be end up being your number one mental health savior!
3. Create a daily schedule as a framework with no ambitious expectations. Expect it to collapse.
Your children need this for their mental health. Create daily schedules five days a week, especially when homeschooling is involved, as well as online enrichment opportunities for your kids throughout the day. Don’t forget to make it fun for everyone and certainly include free independent play.
Remember not to put pressure on yourself to follow them perfectly. You may create your schedule the night before or first thing in the morning and share with your kids right before breakfast. Your daily schedules are designed to create a sense of order, structure and security so you don’t find yourself feeling lost, anxious and perplexed throughout the day.
The most important thing to remember is that your schedule works for you and not the other way around, which means flexibility is key. Too many decisions on the spot will overwhelm you. Free yourself of that pressure with a schedule.
Allow the weekends to flow with lightly structured freedom. Create family memories, allow for plenty of unstructured playtime, rest, recover, recharge and practice types of self-care you may not be able to maintain during the week.
4. Family traditions are your friend!
Now, more than ever, it’s important to continue your family traditions. You have a golden opportunity to maintain a sense of normalcy. It will do wonders for your children’s mental state, as well as your own. Whether you repeat a weekly meal (Sunday dinner, Shabbat dinner, Taco Tuesday), movie night or any other home activity that you share as a family on a regular basis, keep it up!
5. Families who eat together will be happier quarantiners. Period.
This is an opportunity to practice what is always recommended. Let’s all remember some of the benefits of family meals: We bond, connect, laugh and share the pleasure of eating foods that we love. Now, more than ever, family meals offer us incredible comfort, the chance to open up about our emotions, check in with each other and lean on each other’s coping skills. The idea of family meals includes serving family-style rather than as a short order cook. (More on this topic coming soon on Techealthiest.)
That being said, we actually recommend eating at least one meal a day, ideally lunch, away from your kids. Eat alone or with your partner, while your kids nap, during a work assignment or, yes…in front of mindless TV. You need it. You deserve it. Use the time to reconnect with your adult thoughts and emotions.
6. Virtual babysitters are reality’s best friend.
Set up Zoom/Facetime calls for your kids with close family members. This can be structured into your daily schedule or randomly set up when you feel too overwhelmed. Remember to always ask for permission. Everyone is struggling to find their rhythm these days, and so as loving as they are, your family has to be willing and prepared for such “babysitting” sessions.
7. Code word: “Get me away from these kids before I regret what I say or do.”
You will have moments when you feel like you’re on the brink of collapse… physically, mentally or emotionally. You will feel like you cannot go on for a single second longer without at least a few minutes to yourself. These moments deserve a code word.
Only your partner will know this word. Make it a good one. Ours is currently “BZZZZZZ.” It signals to your partner “I’m off the watch. Take over NOW!” Extra points if you ask for or request a specific timeframe for your return.
Your sense of control will increase with the comfort of knowing that you have a way out if you really need it. If there’s no room to escape to, the bathroom is always the perfect default. Leave the scene. Take deep breaths. Meditate. Take a power nap. Chat with a loved one. Journal. Take a walk around the block. Sit in silence or whatever you need at that particular moment. Upon entering your alone time and space, ask yourself: What do I need right now? Listen to what your body and soul are asking for. Answer with the activity that will best help you achieve what you need.
And at the risk of stating the obvious, always turn to tag-team mode WHENEVER one or both of you near your breaking point.
8. Repeat after me: There is no room for guilt! Repeat.
Let go of the guilt for choosing to care for your own needs, especially the need for space. You are going to have a shiny, new set of needs unique to the quarantine. Don’t judge yourself.
This is a new reality for all of us. We are collectively learning how to navigate life for the next few months. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up for you. Once you honor yourself with acceptance of your needs, you will have the clarity to find ways to fulfill those needs. Be mindful of the role modeling in your household. Your children, even in these uncertain times, should see a parent who tries to satisfy their own emotional needs.
9. Daily scheduled or impromptu dance parties for all family members.
Call it therapy….dance therapy for all! Dance is a fun, joyful activity that functions as a brain break while intensifying family bonding. It offers us the invaluable gift of getting out of our heads. It releases much-needed endorphin rush, a mental and emotional high that makes everything a little easier. Its therapeutic effects are immeasurable.
You will get through this time and one day…hopefully, possibly, maybe…your kids will reflect fondly on this time in their lives and it will be all because of you. Good luck with our suggestions.
Best of luck with these ideas,
Liat Ron
P.S.- This is my latest project: Fear and Now, a groundbreaking documentary feature film on Hypnobirthing.
